I had to see the medical officer at my work today. She is recommending that I be retired due to ill health and stated that it is not likely I will be fit to do any job. Is this the beginning or the end; I am almost but not quite panicking!
| — | Jamiroquai, Time wont wait |
I have had a really good day today. I have had 2 nights sleep courtesy of Night Nurse! Its amazing stuff and used by all emergency workers to calm the beast known as ‘shift work’
I am sitting at my dining table, music on, singing loudly (!) glass of wine, pain killers up to date and really enjoying it. The down side is that once I get into music I just want to go clubbing. Yes I know I am too old now and too decrepit and I would last 5 mins, but I loved dancing and really miss it. But it is a good day today despite that.
I am working 3 days a week. I don’t think I will ever be full time again which is a shame because I love my work and my work colleagues, but life is too short and I waste enough time as it is sitting around in pain (I do consider it a waste of time) to knacker myself out completely and just be in agony all the time.
Today is a good day and they are rare so i am making the most of it and thinking of those that are in battle with the beast known as pain.
Well, I was bored and really wanted to do something different. Its too cold and icy to risk injury going out so I made a bird! Okay, so it won’t win any prizes, but I thoroughly enjoyed making it and lost 5 hours. Brilliant!
Well, hello good day! Despite not going to bed until 11pm, sleeping for 3 hours then dozing on and off until 5.30am, today I feel good! The trick I guess is not to over do it; that’s a hard one as there is so much I want to do. No headache for once, hips are both brilliant, knees only hurt if I stay in one position too long, back feels good and I am only getting ‘gyp’ from my right shoulder. Wrists are not good as I found out when I decided to make a big pot of vegetable soup! Note to self, don’t try and lift it again! Anyway, I have done some basic housekeeping without too much bother, so I feel it’s time to wash that kitchen floor!
The trouble with days like this - as few and as far apart as they may be, is that my head is eagerly going over all the things I could do, gardening - the ground is frozen - spring clean the loft - I did say spring clean. I haven’t been in the loft for a year. It’s not difficult as there is a store room up there with a set of stairs that fold down but normal stairs are a problem so I have tried these! Going for a walk. Crisp fresh air, RSPB reserve down the road, flask of coffee and warm clothing - it’s icy out. Going for a walk would be stupid; in my head a run would be nice but the reality is I don’t have kit that fits me, and I would only manage a couple of steps before collapsing; well not collapsing but standing and ‘virtual’ collapsing!
Maybe I will go to the knitting group this afternoon - oh how my life has changed!
“The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get easier. Because it will.”—
